Name the Bristow-lympics Mascot and Win A Big Prize*

Every Olympics, or other merchandisable sporting event, needs two things: a logo that can be moaned about by graphic designers and perhaps looks from certain angles like a popular cartoon character performing an obscene act, pointless sponsorship, corporate fascism, and a mascot. Er, four things.

But the mascot is the most important. Who else is going to appear on T-shirts, baseball caps, pens, novelty birth control? Who’s going to keep the not-hugely-interested-in-the-sport crowd entertained during the interminable waits between “heats”? That’s right — the bloke in the costume. Some of our favourite mascots included World Cup 2006’s Goleo or “the pervert lion” and Mexico ’86’s Pique the racially stereotypical jalapeño pepper. And of course the London thing has Crooklock and Manabille.

The Bristow-lympics has employed top branding consultancy Boggle, Bogart, Heggertay and Biscuit to come up with ours. But they have decided that for engagement purposes that we hold a competition to come up with a suitable name.

So here he/she is:

monkey tennis

  and again, with a little tica-taca:

So you can win a special Dirty Bristow prize by naming our apiarian sporting pal. Leave a name here in the comments and we’ll pick the best one.

Compo is now closed. Winner will be announced soon.

Don’t forget you can see [insert name here] at the Bristow-lympics Opening Ceremony and Issue Two Launch on Saturday 13th Aug at The Edge in Birmingham City Centre. There’s loads more on too, go get yourself a ticket.

*a prize, at least.


3 birds swooping


  1. Shona says:

    Hairy Bella

  2. Gavin Wray says:

    Bristles “Big Stevie” Fortuna

  3. Simon says:

    Kings Heath Kong

  4. Conojito says:

    Brizzlor, Ape Queen of the Heartlands

  5. Neil says:

    Two options for you so far:

    1) Bertie Bristow
    2) San Fran Bristow

    I may well be back with more after a couple more glasses of wine.

  6. Neil says:

    alright, one more for now:

    The Count of Monte Bristow

  7. Neil says:

    Or obviously just Monty Bristow for short…

  8. Corinne says:


  9. Hellybabes says:


  10. N says:

    Professor QT Wimlington III.

  11. Jon Bounds says:

    nice… not sure a false email best way to win a web prize tho ;)

  12. mr y says:

    Karl Chin

    Although if it came to a vote, I’d go for Bertie ‘Olympic rings’ Fistow.

  13. Fido says:

    don’t you mean simian?

  14. Jon Bounds says:

    “Words mean”, said Humpty Dumpty, “what I mean them to mean.”

  15. Fido says:

    have you thought about calling him Will Self?

  16. Cheeky says:

    Urma (not pronounced “your ma”)

  17. Katie says:

    Sebastian Briscoe
    Dirty Eric
    Boris Git-Wallor (it’s an anagram)